Hetalia Thoughts and Feelings
by Fanfiction4thewin-Blog
Summary: Every country has tried to kill themselves at least once. A long life is very hard to live. This is Russia's story. Warnings: Self Harm, Suicide Attempt. Happy Ending.


Never Ending

I do not own Hetalia or its characters. I am not sure if this is all true but I try.

Summary: Every signal country has tried to kill themselves at least once in their lives. Some like Russia and Canada more and some like Spain and Italy. Warning suicide attempt. Might make more chapters for different countries.

Chapter one Russia:

As Russia grew up it was always cold, the sun rarely shined where he lived. Any human that he came across gave him a beating for being "young", they called him weak if he cried.

Eventually he stopped crying together. As a result of the harsh cruelty that he faced so young. He grew up into a cruel and harsh being.

All he knew was cruelty so that was how he treated others.

Ever since he was small the other country's would pick on him and hurt him.

It hurt. A lot.

Because of that he did not have any friends till Latvia Lithuania and Estonia but they hated him. They always shake when he is near.

He had his sisters but Belarus creeped him out and Ukraine avoided him half the time. Whenever Belarus was near she always asked to marry him. He dint blame Ukraine for avoiding him. He should have been nicer.

It led to a very lonely life for Russia.

The first time he tried to kill himself was when he was small, it was at the beginning of the Grand Duchy of Moscow 1283-1547. During those two hundred and sixty four years he tried to kill himself a total one hundred and fifty eight times. The emotional pain was just to much.

It was only because of Lithuania that he did not. He was his first friend.

First time they met Lithuania tried to hurt him and run away. But he would not let him. Sure he was his first "friend" even though Lithuania hated him.

During the years he gained two more friends Latvia no Estonia. Every time they called him scary or terrifying he tried to kill himself, his only "friends" hated him and were scared of him. Estonia even said he wished he, Russia was dead and should leave them alone.

What is the point when everyone you care about hates you. It hurts.

During World War Two when he fought to help others was when he finally felt happy and was the second last time he thought of it.. He felt like he belonged and that he was helpful. He hated fighting America, the fight over Cuba almost destroyed everything. People blamed him for the threat of WWIII.

He didn't like the fighting and was happy it was over. When there was fighting people always yelled at him. He hated yelling.

During WWII he was happy that they were treating him like he mattered. But after it was over they turned there back on him.

One night that he remember well, when they divided Berlin and he had to take care of Prussia, Prussia said "You think your so strong? You think your liked? well that's not true, they hate you, everyone wishes you were dead. They were sad you didn't fall, I heard them when they were talking with my brother. They HATE YOU" Whether that was true he did not know but he did hit Prussia over the head with the pipe and went to his room.

He undressed and sat on the bed, he stared at his arms that were covered in scars along with his torso and neck. The ones on his neck and arms were his own work. That's why he wears the scarf. As he stared at himself he leaned over and grabbed his knife from the bedside table drawer. It was a gift from Belarus. The only things that were going through his head was Prussia's words and the overwhelming emotions that flowed through him.

He tried to hold it in but they just fell. He stood up and started punching the wall with both hands. He sat down re-grabbed the knife and brought it down over his arm over and over again till his bed was covered in blood.

He started stabbing himself in the stomach. He continued till he passed out from pain, it took a few hours. When he awoke the marks were all scars and it looked like a murder scene.

It continued on like that till after the cold war.

When he joined the G8 he found that it was easier to get along with them.

Then he met him. The first time he saw him he sat on him. He did not mean to, really.

He had blond hair with a odd curl. He was always hugging a polar bear.

The only person that could beat him in hockey.

The only person to make him smile. Canada was his name.

He made the dark thoughts disappear from his head. Canada made him happy.

Over time he fell in love with him. He asked him out but he said no.

At first he was heart broken then he realized that Canada, no Mathew was scared of something so he never gave up on him.

He heard from America when he was talking to Japan, how France and England always fought in front of them and that is why it was hard for him to be in a relationship with Japan but to just give him time.

He decided not to give up and to just show him he was loved. Over the years he continued to show his love, after many years he asked again. He said yes.

He also found someone who loves him for him.

Who made him happy and who he made happy in return.

AN/ Any thoughts? Tips?

AN: if you want me to do a country done just request it in the comments for the story. Also add in who there pairing is with as I am creating side stories to go with this along with of who they found to love.


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